dances with....crazy people?

i decided today that I am going to start taking dance soon. Well I am going to be teaching, so I may as well continue learning! Something to look forward to in December!





why am i always being featured dancing with crazy (typically older) men?

half on a baby

Babies are all around me. And you know I'm not one for babies. Toddlers, I can kick it with- they're so imaginative. I remember babysitting Sophie, with her crazy outfits and impressionist art. That's on my level. But helpless little fragile looking putty things never really interest me. I know my mind will change if I have my own, but that ain't no time soon. I dreamt that my dad's wife was pregnant, which is scary considering I'm the oldest of mannnnnnnnny siblings. I met Jordyn, a high school friend's wide eyed daughter. A very close friend is pregnant. My manager has a five month old. They're everywhere. The other day I had an ephiphany about my children's names. Why? Je ne sais pas, my dear. But where I previously only wanted little boys, my exciting names have given me a new interest in little girls (pron. gyouls, circa Annie, the Musical).
Here they are. DON'T STEAL THEM YOU FERTILE BLOG SNOOPERS.
roisin simone
stella rose (if there is no roisin involved)
zoe solenn
jade logan
phoebe vaughn

That's a lot of random broads! Luckily I have a number of years to par down the list and improve the selection. Maybe tonight I'll have a vision about the son and cat's name.

can i get a witness?

Azam found the site for James Nachtwey, an acclaimed photographer/witness of some of the most harrowing scenes of the past few decades. Disgustingly striking, his work is telling, with the ability to move many to action. Check him out

a clean slate

Glad to report that the computer has been repaired. All of the files have been removed and software reinstalled. It's actually quite nice to have a blank machine that I can proceed to overload like a brand new baby. I am still sad about the pictures, but these things happen...all too often.

Let the pirating begin.

ketch a vibe

Hello from here.
I hope this random note finds each of you well.

As you may know, I recently lost what feels like a part of me. It's
really sad, but that's how much I rely on my laptop. I know it's
wrong, so materialistic. At least I am willing to admit the depths
of my connection to my machine. I am a true addict and I will stand
here, unashamed.
All this hoopla is to introduce a simple request. Despite the NASTY
virus that has stolen all of the textual, photographic, and audible
evidence of my existence in the past two years, I have decided to
begin rebuilding. I'd love your help. The first step to a fully
functioning technological device is the soundtrack, right? I'd love
it if you could send me a list of any of the following via email:

Your current playlist
What you are playing RIGHT NOW
Artists to live by
What's stuck in your head?
Albums to live by
Current flames (music, get your mind outta the gutter)
All time favorites (favourites, now I'm really sucking up)
__(your name here)__ Recommends

Anything else that will inspire me to rebuild my music collection.
I'm doing it right this time, album by album.

This may have been an overdramatic email, and I realize it's
ridiculousness, especially at a time when there are natural disasters
devouring humanity while wars and corruption are taking lives at
nearly the same rate. However, sometimes the most important thing in
life is to just breathe. What's more, I'd really appreciate this
feedback for a few projects I'm toying with for dance and art. More on
that later.

YEAH. TAKE THAT VIRUS. VI-O-LATE NO MORE.

Ok guys, I'm done.

Oh yeah, I absolutely LOVE LOVE my new job, thanks! I miss all of you
who are not near.

Peace.

waiting on an idea...

i have the apt to myself at the moment, so i decided to take it back, blasting 'a rainy afternoon in Bow.' Sometimes I feel rather young, or perhaps impish when I think of the impact of a few people on my life. It's funny, because in reality, there are some people who 1) i have spent less than 24 hours of my life with and 2) have NO idea the significance of their presence is. It is these people who have truly impacted me for some inexplicible reason. I think it all comes down to timing and reception. You know, sometimes you look into the eyes of a stranger on the street and you feel a connection that brings tears to your eyes, and they haven't a clue. And that's ok, you know? The past six months were a particularly vulnerable time for me, for this or the other reason. Someone else's breathing patterns could move me, because that simple thing represented life...chance...i don't know. I felt like every person I had a conversation with touched me in some way, lol. I even had an intense crush on someone I would just chill with, in silence, saying and doing pretty much nothing. just sit there. And the sad thing is, I'd leave feeling full- satiated. Wait, where am I going with this? Anyway.

(photo- ian ralph, bbc photographer of the year 2005 contest)
Today was the first day of my new gig. I love it! While I didn't luck out with my own office, I have a cozy cube in a great location that's pretty private, but not exclusive. Perfect. I love my team, which is a huge reason I joined, and they are all so welcoming and friendly and excited to have me. It may be because they really need the help, but I'm going to go with the fact that I'm such a star...I also met some of the students, and they are more down to earth than I expected MBA kids to be. I'm really excited to get up to speed, but my team is all: "We'll ease you in." There's not a lot of stress, which I appreciate. The surprise of the day was when my manager came to my desk at 4:45 and said "Our office closes at 5, we operate on a 9-5 type schedule." Ok, this coming to the girl who was going to work at an ad agency?! With their unpredictable hours/weekends? I was glad to hear that. This gives me the time to do a million and one other things in my free time!! I can take French, or a dance class, but until then, my favorite pub is a block away and I won't miss the happy hour. (It's the simple things, you know?) There are all sorts of perks to working at NYU, but what's even more wonderful is how much I like the work. I feel like I've found a great way to use all of my skills, I won't get bored, there's room for growth, I have to think AND my creativity isn't stifled. Best of all, I can see the benefit of my efforts in people, not inanimate objects. I know it's only the first day, but I love knowing I took the right offer.

gasping for breath.

it's good to be back.
My baby, my love and substance- that's right, my laptop, currently has a virus so violent that I am unable to log into windows. The lovely computerman has told me that in order to make it work again I will lose all of my files. That's cool, I retorted- just all the evidence, both textual and photographic, of over a year in another country. an influential year of development. wiped out. sounds great, sign me up. While I am very sad to be losing all of these records, the time away has really revealed how materialistic I am (even though I think I'm sooo not.) Why am I so dependent on a machine? Why am I so trusting of something I can't even touch? Perhaps the ease and speed of it all got me ahead of myself, but I will be sure to be more cautious in the future. I will back the files up, and treat my handheld journal with a little more respect. In fact, I got a new pen this evening to console myself. It's not as sweet as the Pilot GTech C4, but it's a pretty close second. It has a .25mm tip.
The night before my computer died (last week) I wrote for the first time in a long time, with encouragement from two dear friends of mine. Finally I was able to connect the thoughts swimming around inside my brain with the emotions that were tugging my heart. I wrote down things that helped me understand a few blurry thoughts. For the past few months all of my thoughts, ideas, and actions have been murky, and I have been longing for a sense of pointedness, of purpose to inspire focus. That evening I started feeling a sense of clarity. Or at least the coming of it. Interestingly, this is happening at a time when all around me is preparing for the season of hibernation. My re-awakening has me feeling like springtime. Like growth and movement are soon to come. Well, I did always have to be different.

Still, there are unanswered questions and things that deserve more consideration. For now, let's take it one day at a time.

i.will.have.my.cake.and.eat.it.too.

i've been in the mood for cake since saturday, when i watched the 1st annual wedding cake making championship competition on the food network. the thing i respect about this competition is the passion and expertise that went into making these delectable masterpieces. i wondered if the designers/cooks would dare eat such an elaborate project. Many designs left me confused as to how you could even cut it! I think, were I a baker, half my joy would be in indulging into something that took so much work and patience.
today i accepted a new job, a real job- in the process of turning down several competitive offers. i am blessed to be in a position to choose, but this decision took more out of me than I could afford. I am indecisive. I prefer to walk the thin line of in-between and consideration rather than jump boldy on that side of the solid yellow line. today, i cracked down on that. i made the phone calls, said the script, and closed the chapter. i thought i would vomit afterwards, but i took a few deep breaths and the smile began crawling across my face. homebase, safe. remaining.
next chapter begins here.