i've got to give more than i'm giving...
oh how newness can fill us with false sense of purpose...
(September 2004)
I am in new skin-or maybe i just stepped out of the shower. i am porous, there is so much to take in. I'm overly sensitive, and it's beautiful- sensations come in the form of art, words, food- the sound of music- the eyes of a stranger. I would rather let it absorb and become a part of me than to wipe it away with that dingy towel...I'm constantly trying to articulate the experience i'm having, and I'm sure i will soon tire of writing about the same thing (but then, aren't we always). Recently I've been realising how lucky I am to have this year for further development. I think that's it, not so much london, definitely not the job or the program- but the TIME that i'm in awe with. Free time- protected by positioning and purpose. (well, it's not really free as I had to pay a program fee) It's early, but I think the unending sense of motivation I have is to somehow make up for all the wasted, abused, or misused time I let slip by me in Charlottesville for the past four years. No regrets about that though, just trying out time spent differently for a spell. I feel more human than I have in a while, letting myself be... affected. I'm learning every minute, and I am so lucky for the opportunity to really understand what that means... I like my job just fine, but every day there are subtle reminders that my world is so much bigger than this corporation. Almost everyday since I arrived here, there have been signs, symbols, people, and objects speaking to me and telling me that I am going very far away from this version of reality. That maybe I do have a calling, one that's yelling at me, barking at me. I need to pull out the earplugs. Or, better yet...just start listening.
(September 2004)
I am in new skin-or maybe i just stepped out of the shower. i am porous, there is so much to take in. I'm overly sensitive, and it's beautiful- sensations come in the form of art, words, food- the sound of music- the eyes of a stranger. I would rather let it absorb and become a part of me than to wipe it away with that dingy towel...I'm constantly trying to articulate the experience i'm having, and I'm sure i will soon tire of writing about the same thing (but then, aren't we always). Recently I've been realising how lucky I am to have this year for further development. I think that's it, not so much london, definitely not the job or the program- but the TIME that i'm in awe with. Free time- protected by positioning and purpose. (well, it's not really free as I had to pay a program fee) It's early, but I think the unending sense of motivation I have is to somehow make up for all the wasted, abused, or misused time I let slip by me in Charlottesville for the past four years. No regrets about that though, just trying out time spent differently for a spell. I feel more human than I have in a while, letting myself be... affected. I'm learning every minute, and I am so lucky for the opportunity to really understand what that means... I like my job just fine, but every day there are subtle reminders that my world is so much bigger than this corporation. Almost everyday since I arrived here, there have been signs, symbols, people, and objects speaking to me and telling me that I am going very far away from this version of reality. That maybe I do have a calling, one that's yelling at me, barking at me. I need to pull out the earplugs. Or, better yet...just start listening.
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