Higher Education Friends (what she said)

My two best friends from high school and I have remained close throughout college. All of us have changed and grown, but one has completely metamorphasized, without me. I am totally happy for her, and see and welcome the growth, but I wish she had shared more of it with me. Further, I really like this girl, I think it's great. When we reunite, it sometimes seems like she warns me about her changes, like I wouldn't accept or like them. That, in turn makes me feel like she doesn't know who ''I'' am at all. It's funny, we are all so close, but we underestimate the gaps of time when we're apart. Even in high school, we were inseperable yet complacent in our understandings of each other. We all are guilty of keeping people bounded by our outdated understanding of them. So here's to continuously researching, developing, and exploring our friendships, like we do during college... Make all your friends higher-ed friends.

I miss E-Liz Rothschild right now. I'm so happy that we had last summer, even though we may be different in a lot of ways, we connect mentally in many others. I think of all the times at UVA we could have spent together, instead of having deep convos on IM (porigami and dancegift) we could have had them face to face, at Mas, or Star Hill, Millers, Qdoba, Take it Away, downtown, or in the mountains.
Last summer was strange-I spent my time with random people, got closer to distant friends. With her, it was us testing our beliefs and our need to explain in precise detail every single aspect of life (as not to miss any part of the explainer's experience). It was sampling open bars and hookah joints, finding cheap food in the city, and walking hundreds of blocks...oh and sneaking into Columbia Internet Halls. Writing in journals, regrouping, aruging emotionally and causing scenes on 125th. Challenging ourselves to think more, cheap jewlry, and coaxing pale feet into flipflops... oh, and the beautiful artist at the exhibit in Tribecca. Everyone agreed he was perfect for me, love at 1st sight-you know I fall for artists. He didn't know my name...

There was Vern. Coolest guy, such good company, good chemistry, mama's boy. He was my personal HarlemLove tour guide. Every bar, every drink upwards 125th st. We were-find somewhere new to eat almost everyday because he doesn't own any pots/microwave, and end up at Den. I was- here's who I thought you were in college tho I never spoke to you, thanks for letting me crash, and he was- have you seen this show because I have 300,000 channels on my direct tv recorder thingy, you're very.... 'special'. Weird, fun, cozy and true friendship in short span of time.

There was Ruby, and there was Van. So impressed in the way we developed and maintained our active friendships, that began in 2003 with a 10 week life changing experience. We were- let's eat out once a week and live like sex and the city, and prepare ourselves for our cross atlantic moves to paris. Let's eat mr. frosty and talk about advertising while Ruby gets us tipsy at her bar. Let's let the bigger picture inspire us and help us find ourselves and relive MAIP for the rest of our days...meanwhile let's talk about boys.

There was Greg. He was- gorgeous. Not really a friend since we only chilled a couple of times. But yum- we could have...um, been close.

There was Tramaine and Sharik- just the tip of a relationship with both...she got me excited about London, he got me excited about life. We were- if only we were living in the same city at the same time. We were laughter and listening. He was- let me show you how much game I've got and you are one those girls whose clit is in her cerebrum. She was- girlll, you have to go to TopShop and call all my friends when you get to London-you'll love it.

i've got to give more than i'm giving...

oh how newness can fill us with false sense of purpose...

(September 2004)
I am in new skin-or maybe i just stepped out of the shower. i am porous, there is so much to take in. I'm overly sensitive, and it's beautiful- sensations come in the form of art, words, food- the sound of music- the eyes of a stranger. I would rather let it absorb and become a part of me than to wipe it away with that dingy towel...I'm constantly trying to articulate the experience i'm having, and I'm sure i will soon tire of writing about the same thing (but then, aren't we always). Recently I've been realising how lucky I am to have this year for further development. I think that's it, not so much london, definitely not the job or the program- but the TIME that i'm in awe with. Free time- protected by positioning and purpose. (well, it's not really free as I had to pay a program fee) It's early, but I think the unending sense of motivation I have is to somehow make up for all the wasted, abused, or misused time I let slip by me in Charlottesville for the past four years. No regrets about that though, just trying out time spent differently for a spell. I feel more human than I have in a while, letting myself be... affected. I'm learning every minute, and I am so lucky for the opportunity to really understand what that means... I like my job just fine, but every day there are subtle reminders that my world is so much bigger than this corporation. Almost everyday since I arrived here, there have been signs, symbols, people, and objects speaking to me and telling me that I am going very far away from this version of reality. That maybe I do have a calling, one that's yelling at me, barking at me. I need to pull out the earplugs. Or, better yet...just start listening.